Stars
by Vicious-Loner
Summary: Gaara is depressed because of a certain blond loudmouth and can't take it anymore. GaaNaru, suicide warning.


Here's another semi-angsty Gaara-centred story of mine. It's not the best piece of junk I've written but good enough to be published, I hope. Comments is greatly appreciated, flames will be saved to keep me warm when the winter hits. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto in any way, shape or form.

**Warning:** Shonen-ai GaaNaru(one-sided?), suicide attempts, suicide.

* * *

**Stars **

Thousands of shiny dots on the black sky, the stars coldly gazed down on him from their unreachable seats beyond the heaven. The moon was nowhere to be seen as it still was a little early for it to rise above the horizon. So the stars could gaze down on him with their cold uncaring eyes without being outshined and hid by the fat queen of the night. And he could gaze up at them with longing eyes and wish he could be one of them.

Gaara closed his eyes and sighed unhappily. He could wish as much as he wanted but he would never escape this world, never escape the pain... He slowly let his ice-cold facade crack, shatter and fall to the ground. He was safe at night when nobody could see him. They wouldn't understand his true face, they wouldn't even recognized it as his. Because now his usually cold and emotionless face displayed the raw pain and anguish that festered on his heart. It displayed feelings nobody could even suspect him to have. Least of all would they expect him to be able to feel love. And he partly wished he couldn't either as his raw, deep and painfully strong love for a very special someone was the reason he was the way he was. An empty shell filled with pain.

He choked back tears of pain and jumped over the roofs and ran out into the empty desert as fast as he could. He didn't wanted to think of his love, his special someone as he just brought up pain in his heart, yet he wanted nothing more than to hold him, play with his messy sunny hair, drown in his ocean blue eyes, kiss his rosy lips, caress his soft tanned skin…

Gaara faltered and fell forward at the sand with a hard thump. He rolled into a fetal position and gasped for air as he choked on the tears. He was all alone in the middle of the desert, several kilometers away from the Hidden Sand village and no one could hear him. He was safe. He could let go of his feelings and allow them to show freely.

He took a deep breath and screamed. Screamed out his pain and anguish, his hopelessness, his emptiness. He somehow got his hands on a kunai and tried to cut himself, stab himself, carve away the pain in his heart, anything to make the pain go away. But all he stabbed was the sand, the bloody sand that tried to protect him from any harm, even from himself. He thrashed about in frustration, letting out his anger and hatred on the sand around him, screaming. He wanted to hold him so badly his heart ached and threatened to splitter his chest as it pounded hard with longing. Yet he knew he was unworthy of it, nobody could ever love him. Everybody hated and feared him, had always done, always will, and surely his beloved hated him too. He was Gaara after all and nobody would ever love him. Not even he himself. He had sworn to love only himself all those years ago but now he couldn't feel anything but hatred and emptiness towards himself.

The sky slowly grew lighter as the weak sobs subsided and was replaced by a silence only the dawn could harbour. Gaara slowly picked himself off the ground and wiped away the few tears that remained on his cheeks. He looked up at the still quite dark sky and breathed deeply, trying to pick up the scattered pieces of himself again. He felt drained of all energy, weak and feeble. Yet again he had spent a night screaming at nothing, thrashing about in the sand and felt the pain, hatred, love and anguish course freely through his body. His voice was hoarse and cracked, his body was drained and weak, his heart was dull with pain. He recollected the sand he always had with him and his trademark gourd shaped itself on his back. He heaved a deep sigh and began to walk back to the village as the sky lightened from blue to pink. The sun peeked at him over the horizon as he reached the Hidden Sand village. He gathered some chakra under his feet and jumped up at the nearest house. His ice-cold facade was back up.

* * *

It had been an unusually short day as there hadn't been very many missions waiting to be cleared. Gaara currently sat alone in the living room of the house he shared with his so-called siblings and felt useless. There had been pretty much nothing he had been able to do on their mission today. The constant pain in his heart deepened and it felt like someone had thrust a knife into it and now slowly turned it around. It was unbearable and he made his way to the bathroom to search the medicine cabinet. He found a gallipot of painkillers and went over to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. He went back to his corner in the living room and downed two pills. A few minutes passed and nothing happened so he took two more. Another few minutes and still nothing happened. He looked into the almost full gallipot and shrugged. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. 

Temari walked into the hall after some shopping. She looked around in their small house and noticed Gaara sitting in his usual corner in the living room. He sat heavily leaning on his knees, head bent low, and didn't look up when she entered the room. She hesitated before speaking.

"Gaara, would you mind helping me put in the groceries?" He didn't respond nor did he move. "Gaara?" No response. She heard Kankuro arrive and walk over to the kitchen. She took the risk of walking closer to her unmoving little brother. Now that she took a closer look he seemed to be sleeping... But Gaara never slept. She hesitated before she slowly put a hand on his shoulder. Still no response.

"Gaara?" A worried frown grew on her features and she put her hand under his chin and lifted his head. His expression resembled to that of a sleeping but something was wrong and he was cool…

Her other hand hastily searched his neck for a pulse and found one. Then she noticed the glass and the gallipot beside him. The gallipot was more than half-empty. Temari felt the blood leave her and dread replace it. Gaara's pulse was weak and irregular and seemed to slowly fade away. She hastily got up and whirled around.

"KANKURO! GO GET SOME MEDICS!" she shouted on the verge of panic.

"Haa? What for?" Kankuro asked, surprised. Temari ran over to the kitchen.

"It's Gaara" she held up the gallipot. I think he has overdosed." Kankuro's chin dropped.

"Gaara has what? Are you sure?" She nodded.

"I bought these a few weeks ago and neither you nor I use painkillers very often. And look, it's more than half-empty" she showed him the contents of the gallipot. Kankuro paled and nodded.

"I'll go get the medics."

* * *

Gaara slowly floated through the fleeting darkness towards consciousness. He could already feel Shukaku fester on his mind and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the demon for very long. He didn't even know if he wanted to try, everything seemed so hopeless… 

He slowly opened his eyes and blinked. The wooden ceiling hesitated to come clearly visible and he closed his eyes again. He opened them after a while and looked around. He laid in a big room in the hospital he realized, and was currently alone, not a soul in sight. He sighed unhappily. Somehow he had known he would end up here. He sighed again on the verge of tears and let go of everything. He retreated to the little corner his mind he had left and allowed the demon he hated even more than he hated himself to take over.

He blinked. And furrowed his forehead slightly. Above him was the same wooden ceiling and it felt like very little time had passed since he had retreated. He searched within him and felt Shukaku's presence where it usually was. He looked around. No, the room was slightly different but he was still in the hospital. He sighed deeply and slowly turned around in his bed to face the wall. He just didn't wanted to live anymore. Even death was him denied. He closed his eyes and let a tear escape down his cheek to be absorbed by the pillow.

Temari slowly opened the door to where Gaara laid. It had been a tumultuous couple of hours since she had found Gaara dying in their living room. When he had gotten intensive care and the medics was sure he would survive and when they had gotten over the first shock, Gaara had obviously woken up and pretty much immediately transformed into Shukaku and gone on a mad killing rampage. It had taken every shinobi in the whole Hidden Sand to stop him and several had been killed. At least they said he was okay now. She stepped into the sparsely decorated room. Beds lined the walls and Gaara laid in the far right corner. She took a deep breath and walked over to him with Kankuro behind her. He had obviously woken up from his daze because he had turned around to face the wall. They stood there for a while, watching Gaara's back, unsure of what to say. Finally Temari spoke up.

"Gaara…" No response. She put a hand on his shoulder and he slowly turned around to face them. She bit back a gasp. Gaara's eyes were empty. Not cold and emotionless like they always were but just plain empty. No glow of life, no will to live, nothing. He just looked at them.

"Why couldn't you have let me die?" he whispered. "I don't want to live anymore." Temari's eyes filled with tears at her little brother's words. She swallowed.

"Gaara… why don't you want to live anymore?" she whispered sadly.

He had told them everything. Absolutely everything. From his undying love for a certain blond fox-boy of Konoha to his uselessness and hatred towards himself. He laid in his big sister's lap while Kankuro sat on a nearby bed to take in what he just had told them. It felt so nice when Temari stroke his hair and he curled up against her warmth and closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep, to forget everything and be free from the pain. Oh, how he wanted Temari to be Naruto, to be his beloved yet he knew he was unworthy of anybody's love, especially Naruto's. He curled up tighter and choked on a sob. They could never be, Naruto could never be his. He saw no point in living on.

* * *

Two days after these events Uzumaki Naruto received a letter. His eyebrows met the hairline and his jaw dropped to the floor when he saw it was from Temari of the Hidden Sand. What could she possibly want him that was so important she had sent the letter with the fastest express post service available? Curious Naruto opened the envelope and unfolded the paper it contained. It was filled with text with a slightly female look and feeling to it. His knees buckled underneath him as he read. 

_Uzumaki Naruto_

_Things are a bit chaotic here in Hidden Sand and it's Gaara. He has recently tried to kill himself, in the writing moment is it around six hours ago I found unconscious from an overdose of painkillers, and he simply doesn't want to live anymore. It's scary to see him, the cold glow in his eyes is gone, he's completely empty. He just lays in his bed at hospital and stares emptily at the ceiling, asking why we couldn't have let him die. What's even scarier is the reason why he tried to commit suicide and it's also the reason why I'm sending you this letter. The reason Gaara is depressed is you, because he loves you. Deeply and unquestionable. Yet he considers himself unworthy of anybody's love, least of all yours. The few times he's been speaking has all been about either how wonderful you are or how useless and unworthy he is, how empty and hollow his love for you have made him and his wish to just die. I don't know how you will react to this or what you will do, but I beg to you - respond quickly, I don't know for how long we can keep him alive._

_Temari_

Naruto sat on the floor for quite a good while, slowly taking in what the letter said. Gaara… loved him?

* * *

"I'm sorry… it's too late…" A red-eyed Temari met him at the door. Naruto felt everything leave him. He had run as fast as he could to Hidden Sand to try and save Gaara from himself but it was too late. He was already dead. 

"It's just been a few hours…" A few hours… just a few hours… If he just had been a little faster, if he just had arrived a little earlier… he might have been able to save Gaara, or at least talk to him…

He let out his frustration on a harmless barrel.

"Kuso, kuso, kuso, KUSO!" he cried as he punched the barrel and allowed the tears to fall freely. "If I just had been a little faster…" he sank to his knees. Temari put a hand on his shoulder and led him inside the house.

They sat around the table in the kitchen with a cup of hot chocolate each. Naruto, Temari and Kankuro. Silently speaking of the mysterious being Gaara was. The three of them was the only ones mourning Gaara's death, the other villagers wasn't exactly happy, more relieved that the feared and hated demon-boy was dead. Finally dead some would say. But nobody knew what would happen to Shukaku and yet nothing had happened.

The funeral was simple and quiet, the little gravestone clean and square with only one thing written on it - Sabaku no Gaara. Gaara's lifeless body was buried together with his trusted gourd, empty since the sand it contained had vanished when he had died. Shukaku was free now and so was Gaara. He was free from the pain that had tormented him for only he knew how long. He was free to join the stars like he always had wished.

* * *

There you are, the second fav character of mine I've killed in a fanfic, and I have a third to type up. And no, I don't feel guilty in any way at all because I'm a closet sadist #grins madly# 

I should mention that I wrote this quite a while ago before I knew all of Gaara's history and how Shukaku affects him so this story is a bit inaccurate here and there, I hope it wasn't big enough to be recognized…

Whatever, look out for other pieces of junk written by me, check my profile for updates as I have a few things to type up(when I find the time and energy to do so, that is…)

Vicious-Loner


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